The Legendary Collection
by dr-canis-horriblus
Summary: A series of various HIMYM anecdotes, this collection chronicles the gang, their families, and the relationships within the group. Some of these are Tumblr prompts, some requests, etc. Basically it's a grab bag of HIMYM drabbles and one-shots I've written. Rted T just to be safe.
1. Nothing is Safe

"And, as they rode off into the sunset, they realized that the only thing that either of them desired was each other." Barney had just finished reading Ellie a bedtime story, thinking to himself _how could you actually_ _like that fluff? _But Ellie, of course, didn't mind. The five-year old was snuggled up under her blankets, tightly cuddling her pink teddy bear. She was already asleep.

Barney smiled when he saw that and gently brushed the blonde curls off of her forehead, giving her a small kiss. He slowly got up and, with equal precision, closed the door behind him.

Robin was waiting for him in the living room.

"Is she asleep?" she asked.

Barney, grinning, nodded.

"Thank God," Robin said, and in what felt like a millisecond, her lips were on Barney's. "Bedroom. Now," she breathed out, parting from him for a minute, and he eagerly raced off as she followed behind him.

The alarm beeped, and Barney reached out a clumsy hand to shut it off.

"Barney, we gotta get Ellie up for school," Robin mumbled, her face shoved into her pillow, still mostly asleep.

"Nah, it's Saturday, remember?" Barney replied, stifling a yawn.

"No, it's Thursday," Robin murmured. "Oh CRAP!"

The two were up in a flash as they realized that they had overslept.

"Barney, why did you think it was Saturday?" Robin yelled at him as she struggled with putting a sock on.

"I don't know, the days all blend together now, having a child is super busy work!" Barney replied as he tied on his tie. "I didn't know how much, like, responsibility I'd have with her! I thought kids were just, y'know, like puppies or something!"

"That's why we're never adopting a dog!" Robin responded.

The two were still bickering when they walked our to the living room, then stopped abruptly. Ellie was already up, and she was standing there with a big grin on her face.

"Mommy and daddy overslept," Barney told her with a sigh. "Come on, we gotta get you to school.

It wasn't until the cab ride there, just as they pulled up to the school building, that Ellie asked Robin the last question she expected to hear.

"Mommy, did you have a nightmare last night?"

Robin didn't know where her daughter was going with this, so she casually responded with, "No, why?"

Ellie answered shyly, "Cuz whenever I have a nightmare, I cry out for daddy too…"

Barney and Robin, speechless, exchanged horrified looks.

"Uh…um, well-" Robin stuttered.

Barney just smiled. "Go off to class, kid. We'll talk more about that later." He opened the door of the cab and exited with her, walking her up the steps of the building before she turned around and waved goodbye to him.

He plunked himself down in the cab next to Robin with a loud, distressed sigh, looking slightly petrified.

"Kids, am I right?" Robin joked, laughing nervously.

"Robin, we can't let that happen again," Barney told her.

"She does have a point though," Robin said.

"Yeah, she actually does," Barney agreed. He turned to Robin, eyebrow raised. "Do you wanna maybe get one in BEFORE she comes home?"

Robin nodded. "Yeah. Let's um…let's do that."

Fortunately for the two, Ellie never asked again about what had happened. That was, until the next time…


	2. How It All Really Happened

**(The year 2030)**

"You guys are right. I _am _still in love with Robin, we could totally make it work!" Ted was just a little over enthused over this sudden realization, which occurred minutes after he'd finished telling his kids how he met their mother.

"I'm gonna go get her back!"

Determinedly, Ted rushed out of his house, hopped into his car, and drove as fast as he could back to Manhattan, where he stopped a certainly familiar restaurant and, against all logic, managed to once again pull down the sacred blue French horn.

He ran through the streets as fast as his legs could carry him, smiling, his heart pounding in his chest, instrument in tow, until he stopped. Right in front of Robin's apartment, the place where it had all begun so many years ago.

He took a few deep breaths, then, as loud as he could yell, he called her name.

"ROBIN!"

There were several minutes of empty silence- well, not silence entirely, but not a response. What Ted did hear was what sounded like angry cursing, then followed by some muffled bickering, and he also swore that he could make out these argumentative words:

"Just open the window!"

"Why? Who could it even be at this hour?"

'I don't know!"

Puzzled, he continued to stand there, until, fortunately, the window slid open.

Now was his moment. He proudly held up the blue French horn, a goofy smile plastered on his face.

Robin poked her head out of the window, clothed in only a sheet, and joined by two dogs that appeared to be some kind of terrier mixes, both dressed in suits, who yapped fretfully at Ted.

For a minute, she smiled. "Ted," she addressed, still smiling in a way that was to say 'I cannot believe that you're doing this again.'

"Please go home."

Seconds later, to Ted's surprise, Barney appeared next to Robin in the window, shirtless- or purely naked.

"Dude, why would you do this to yourself?" he added.

"Wait- Barney? But I thought you two were-"

Barney just sighed and rolled his eyes. "It's a long story, Ted, and we were kinda in the middle of something, seriously. No time."

Ted backed off a little bit.

"Ted, we need some space here," Robin said, gesturing to both she and Barney. "Get it together, Mosby."

"Yeah, could you just- just- okay?"

After a few minutes, Ted attempted it one last time. "I love you!"

"TED!" both Barney and Robin screamed at him collectively, their dogs' yipping intensifying.

"Alright, alright, I'll leave, sheesh, guys!"

And with that, he did indeed leave. And he never ran back to Robin like that again.


	3. Blizzards, Fireplaces, and Romance

The gang had not seen Barney for over 45 hours. Since they had, in the past, seen him at his worst, particularly after his reunion with his father, which was likely the darkest point in his life due to the events that followed, and after his breakup with Nora, this should not have come as a surprise, but this time, it did. Phone calls wielded nothing, nor did texts. It was as if he had gone simply without a trace, providing no explanation as to why. It wasn't until around 7 PM one night that he would show up again, and it was with tragic news.

* * *

><p>It was a Saturday, and Robin was sitting alone at the gang's MacLaren's booth. Lily and Marshall had decided to have movie night in and were planning to marathon watch the Jurassic Park trilogy with Ted, which Robin was not particularly interested in, so she had instead decided to hang out at the bar downstairs. The bar was abnormally quiet tonight, far less busy than usual, and she had been absentmindedly watching the door when Barney walked in. It was a pleasant surprise to see him, and fortunately, he did not look any worse than usual. He didn't appear to be ill, or really physically altered by any means. He seemed, factually, very composed.<p>

"Hey," she greeted him, smiling. "Where've you been, hot stuff?" She knew well and good that playful flirting was the way to make him feel better, regardless of what was wrong.

"Oh, yeah, I probably should have told you guys what was up!" he responded as he took a seat next to Robin. "I won a laser tag championship award in Boston, so I had to get down there, but then my car wouldn't start because a raccoon had gotten into the engine, so I got super delayed. Yeah." He licked his lips awkwardly after he had finished speaking.

Robin, however, could see right through him and immediately detect that he was lying.

"Awesome story, but what really happened?"

He paused. "Um, I don't know what you're talking about, that WAS what happened, ya silly!"

Robin shook her head. "Barney, we're all alone. Marshall, Lily, and Ted are upstairs binge watching Jurassic Park and I've been sitting here literally all night waiting for some human interaction that's not just small talk with Carl. I think I at least deserve to hear the beautiful sound of beans being spilled. That can of worms being opened. You know. I need to hear a good story."

Barney, tongue planted firmly in cheek, said, "I don't know what you're talking about."

Robin sighed. "Stay here. I'll be right back."

In less than an hour, Barney had downed about two and a half glasses of scotch- just enough to get him to talk.

"So, where were you?" Robin asked him once again.

The words came from his mouth all at once. "Quinn and I broke up."

Robin's silence, product of her not knowing how to respond, was an instant invitation for Barney to continue talking.

"On Thursday night, Quinn came home really late," he began. "And we were supposed to make birthday plans. Cuz, you know, it was on Friday. Yesterday."

"Aw, happy late birthday!"

"Yeah, thanks."

_(Flashback)_

Quinn had arrived home abnormally late, but Barney was still awake. "Hey you," he greeted her as he got up to kiss her at the door. "Got stuck working late, huh?"

"Yeah, some dude just really wanted it all," she responded. "Kept trying to tell him that I HAD a boyfriend, but no, he just wanted to get me home."

Barney nodded. "Right. So, I was thinking, for my birthday, that maybe we should invest in a giant cake that maybe you could burst out of, wearing only frosting, and then I could lick-"

"Yeah, about that," Quinn said. "Barney, there's um, something I gotta tell you."

He could already feel the anxiety beginning to kick in from those words, and he felt his stomach churning nervously. "What is it?"

"I think we should split up."

There were the words. They came so quickly, piercing Barney like a dagger, that he didn't know what to say.

"Why?"

"I don't think that things are working between us," the blonde continued. "I love you, Barney. Honestly. I do, and I want what's best for you. I don't think I feel comfortable getting into a longterm relationship with someone who's slept with half of the city, and I don't think that you feel comfortable getting into one with me, a stripper. I think that we're both on similar paths here, and I don't think they're paths that could ever intertwine completely."

Barney's face fell, his blue eyes fixed on the woman standing across from him. The worst part of this all was the fact that he could not deny what she had said. She was right. Even he knew it.

"I guess…you're right," he said softly. "I don't feel comfortable with us living like this."

"And neither do I. I'm sorry."

The two were entirely silent as they sat together. Barney's mind simply did not know how to process what had just happened, and he had no words left to say. He didn't need any.

_(Flashforward)_

"And that was it," Barney said as he toyed with the half empty glass of scotch in his hand, sloshing its contents around.

"Wow," Robin told him. "I'm- I'm so sorry."

"Eh, I'll be okay," he said. "I just figure that my life is only gonna be standing still for a while now. Quinn was the second person I ever really cared that much about, and now that she's gone, I doubt I'll ever get to THAT point with anyone else again. You know, it's strange. In a weird way, I kind of expected this would happen. I knew it."

Robin nodded solemnly. "Who was the FIRST person you ever cared about?" she asked him, somewhat baiting for an answer.

"You, obviously," Barney replied. "And you still sort of…are."

"Am I blushing now?" Robin asked him with a smile. She placed a comforting hand on his. "Hey, chin up. Quinn is Quinn. She was a stripper. You? You're awesome! You're Barney Stinson, I mean, strippers are below you."

"I think that's the problem," Barney quipped, raising an eyebrow.

"What I'm saying is that you're gonna get through this. And I can help you."

"How?"

She smiled. "Well, I didn't want to have to do this, but…"

Barney's eyes glowed with excitement. "Yeah?"

* * *

><p>They were back at Robin's apartment in what felt like a second.<p>

"Are you sure you want to?" Barney asked her sheepishly.

"Yeah. I can't think of a better time, I mean, we're both alone right now, we might as well just go for it."

From seemingly nowhere, Robin produced a DVD. Scrawled in black permanent marker was the title "Blizzards, Fireplaces, and the Warmth of Edmonton Romance."

Barney's mouth fell open. "No. Way."

"Yup. It's Robin Sparkles Five, Stinson."

Barney clapped his hands together like an overeager little kid. "Oh my God, it's Robin Sparkles Five!" he squealed. "Robin, why did you never show this to anyone else?"

"Show this to anyone else? Of course not!" she scoffed. "This is gonna be our thing. You ready?"

"I'm practically peeing my pants!" Barney said gleefully.

Robin placed the DVD in the player and pressed play.

The video began with an intro of fluffy-haired, teenage Robin, embracing her boyfriend, arms wrapped around him. Outside of their window, it was snowing, and they were standing in front of their fireplace.

"Who's that dork?" Barney asked.

"That dork was my then boyfriend, Mark Twedzil," Robin responded.

"Equally dorky name for a dorky guy," Barney remarked.

Robin just shrugged.

"Mark," Robin Sparkles said breathily. "Oh, Mark, I love you."

"I love you too, Robin," Mark replied.

"How much do you love me?"

" I love you as much as a beaver loves wood."

Barney stifled a snicker, and Robin punched him on the shoulder.

"I love you so much," Robin Sparkles said, emphasizing the word 'so' with great Canadianness, "that I wrote you a song."

"You did?"

"And it goes like this!"

From there, Robin Sparkles began belting out the lyrics of:

_Just years ago, I never thought I'd find you, just years ago I thought Id be alone, but just yesterday it feels like I met you, oh oh, I'm not on my own!_

_Our love is like a blizzard,_

_our love is the force of the north,_

_Our love, our love is freaking awesome,_

_Our love is the warmth of an Edmonton romance, whoa-oa-oa!_

Barney was in awe of what he was watching. "Well, at least I can give you an 'A' for effort," he said. His eyes went wide. "Wait a second- are you riding a moose?"

"Yup."

Robin Sparkles, onscreen, was indeed riding a moose bareback with Mark, waving to the crowd of people she rode it through.

The video ended all soon, and by the end of it, Barney was in complete disbelief- in a good way. "Play it again, play it again!" he insisted, bouncing up and down like an excited puppy dog.

"Oh alright, I'll let tonight be your night because of what happened," Robin replied dismissively. "But only because of what happened. You promise not to tell the guys about this, right?"

Barney nodded. "Promise. Just play the video again, please?"

And Robin did. They watched it again and again, to the point where Barney could have sung it word for word. By the end of it all, he indeed did feel much better than he had when he started, though there was no true guarantee that the rest of the gang would not soon be hearing about this newfound greatness.

* * *

><p>And in the days that followed, Robin supported Barney in a way that he had only rarely seen of her before. She offered to help him with whatever he needed at any given time - literally, no matter how ridiculous it had been- and even played his wingwoman a few times, aiding to set him up at the bar.<p>

"Robin, I'm fine," he said one afternoon, trying to convince her that he didn't need help in such matters. "Honestly. I appreciate your efforts, but daddy don't need the extra boost. Daddy's got it covered." He winked.

"Hey, the least I can do is prep you a little," Robin said.

"Robin," Barney protested.

"Shush." She hushed him and brushed down his suit jacket with her hands, as if to dust it off. "Go get 'em, Tiger," she said playfully, smacking him on the butt before walking off.

His face lit up with a mischievous, impish smile. "Challenge accepted," he remarked.

While Barney sought out his latest conquest and flirted with a brunette looking to be in her early 20s, Robin attempted to be his aid. "Hey," she said as she sauntered over to a busty blonde in a low cut tank top. "You see that guy over there?" She pointed to Barney. "His name is Edward O' Sisa, and you know what he invented?"

"No, what?" Robin already had the attention of the easily impressionable girl.

"Well, HE, my friend, invented the Internet," Robin answered her smugly, thinking to herself _I could not possibly be telling a bigger lie right now.'_

The girl was now very excited, and squealing with happiness. "Oh my God, really,?"

"Yup," Robin said with a nod. "And listen, honey- he gets lonely. A lot. He's been single for like eight years now, which is super weird considering what he's done for the world, but that's just how it is. So would you do me a favor?"

"What?"

"Would you go over and talk to him?"

"Gladly!" the girl answered, and Robin watched her as she ran over to Barney.

"So you're the inventor of the Internet, huh?"

Barney caught on to this hoax immediately. "Why yes. Yes, I am."

"Wow, it's such a pleasure to meet you!"

"You too, sweetheart," Barney responded flirtatiously, trying to prevent his eyes from wandering downward. "As a matter of fact, I did more than invent just the Internet. I invented the concept of social networks." He smiled deviously as he nodded his head.

"Wow," the girl breathed out.

"And," Barney continued, "I could show you one of the new developments back at my place, if you're interested…" He eyed her coquettishly, and she immediately accepted.

"Let's do it!"

"Let's do it indeed," Barney commented under his breath as the girl grabbed his hand. As they were leaving, however, he couldn't help but to stare back at Robin. He smiled at her, mentally thanking her for her help, and she smiled back at him, classily holding up her glass as if for a toast.

**_(And that was the story of how something sour turned sweet for your Uncle Barney. It's not uncommon in life for the good things to go away, kids. Unfortunately, that happens, whether or not we want it to. But really, it's all about making due with what you've already got. Because at the end of the day, that one thing will always be there, waiting for you. And that one thing? Well, for Barney, that one thing was your Aunt Robin. You also may be asking yourself, DID any of us ever discover the awesomeness that was Blizzards, Fireplaces, and the Warmth of Edmonton Romance? Of course we did. But I'll get to that one later.)_**


	4. Awards- A Neil and Cobie Fic

****DISCLAIMER**: What you are about to read is a work of fiction (Obviously, or it wouldn't be posted here.) It is NOT based on true events. Yes, I am fully aware that Neil and Cobie are both married to separate people and that Neil is gay. Therefore, if you send me any hate messages or comments concerning this fanfic, I will either delete them or just ignore you. Thank you.**

* * *

><p>Neil had always known that what he and Cobie possessed was something far different than he had ever had with any of his other costars. Sure he'd enjoyed the friendly make out sessions he'd shared with Alyson, Jason, and even Josh that one time, and all of the others he'd exchanged kisses with in the past, but there was something about Cobie that set a fire in his heart, a desire unlike any other that he had felt with a woman before, or at least longer ago than he could remember.<p>

During the run of HIMYM, he took pleasure in seeing her everyday, teasing her and doing things purposefully that made her feel uncomfortably turned on. It was in his nature, after all. There was a good reason he continually played the seductive ladies' men he so often did, from Barney, to Foy, to even the highly exaggerated parody of himself in the Harold and Kumar trilogy. That was, as it was sometimes put, in some way, 'The Real Neil.' And he saw no shame in this.

Once HIMYM had wrapped up, the lights had gone down, the final glasses of champagne were drunk, and it was time to bid each costar and crew member a final farewell, Neil and Cobie were, sadly, no exception to the rule and were forced to say goodbye just as the others were.

"I'm really gonna miss seeing you around, Smulders," Neil told her, and he could tell of the deep sincerity in his voice.

"Yeah, uh, you too," she responded. Neil could instantly detect that she was beginning to tear up, just a little.

"Oh, come on, don't cry," he reassured her, cracking the familiar smile that she had so come to know and love. "You're gonna make it. And if not, shoot me a booty call, if you miss me that much."

Through her tears, Cobie couldn't help but smile a little herself. "Shut up," she scolded him jokingly.

"See, now that' the attitude!" Neil said playfully. "Chin up, Smulders. I'll be around." As a friendly gesture, he smacked her on the butt as he walked off- something he had begun doing around HIMYM's 5th season, claiming it to be "something Barney would do," but had kept doing since then.

* * *

><p>That day was the last that the two talked for quite a while. Neil soon after deported to New York with his family and begun his run of Hedwig and the Angry Inch, in which he played a very sassy transgender German rockstar at New York's Belasco Theater, and received his very own personal backstage dressing room, complete with mirrors, showy lights adorning the rims of them, charming pink wall paint, and not long afterwards, various fanmade trinkets gifted to him from audience members, such as fanart paintings, dolls, and other little treasures.<p>

However, he never forgot Cobie. Pinned up against hi mirror, concealed behind some photos of David Bowie, Iggy Pop, and some other rock stars which served as inspiration for his character, Hedwig, was a photo of the two of them together, taken for a photoshoot during their notorious trip to Italy in the winter of 2012, an event that Neil himself had deemed as "one of the best things to ever happen to him."

And indeed he was in a very happy relationship with David. He'd never want to ruin that. But deep down, he also sensed that a time would come when the fates would allow he and Neil to somehow make it big. _Bigger,_ he thought with a smirk as he leaned back in his chair, admiring the photo and reflecting back on their secret dalliance dating to the Italy trip.

Alas, now was not the time for that. Now was the time for slipping into all of those fancy wigs and tattered jean clothing, for body glitter, tongue-on-tongue kissing, object licking, and the overall dirty grunginess that Hedwig possessed.

"I'm comin' for you, Smulders," he said promisingly, with an affectionate smile as he pinned the photo back up against the mirror.

For a moment, he was still, admiring the rise and fall of his bare chest in the mirror in front of him as he took a deep breath.

It was showtime.

* * *

><p>Hedwig was doing well. Particularly well. So well in fact that Neil was receiving the news of several nominations, one of which was for a Tony.<p>

The month following the revival of the play were quite amazing for him in many ways, and living in New York was something well beyond his wildest dreams- the food was a mouthwatering, orgasmic sensation, Broadway was spectacular, and the life of the city was the energy that surged through him, letting him breathe in a force of freedom that he felt almost hidden from for so long.

Then, before he knew it, it was Tony season. And for once, he would be hosting. He would be performing.

All too soon, Neil's rousing- and arousing- performance of Sugar Daddy was over, and equally too soon, so was the night. Satisfyingly enough, he HAD won a Tony, and was absolutely ecstatic nonetheless, but nothing could prepare him for what came next.

_Thump, thump, thump._ The hollow sound of a fist knocking against the wooden door of his dressing room caught his attention, and he got up to answer it.

His eyes lit up the moment he saw who was standing there.

It was Cobie.

"Well, look who decided to show up," he said, stroking his chin with one hand and raising an eyebrow. He looked her up and down. "Nice dress, by the way."

"Ah, thank you," she replied. "And you know, it's the Tonys, not the Oscars, but it probably could have been nicer."

"Well, um…" he quickly licked his lips, a nervous habit he possessed. "You can come in if you, uh, want to." He jerked his thumb in the direction of the room, and Cobie accepted the offer.

After closing the door, Neil sat down in the chair in front of his mirror, distractedly running his fingers through his fluffy brown hair.

"It's kinda weird seeing you here tonight," he said. "You know how it is, when there's two people who just haven't seen each other in a while, and all of a sudden, they're just…reunited like that."

Cobie nodded, before Neil threw in, "But it's a good weird."

"Yeah, it is a good weird," Cobie agreed, looking down, almost as if she was a bit awkward and stumbling for the right words to say to him. "Oh, congratulations on the Tony!"

"Yeah, I'm kinda crazy about it honestly!" he replied, glancing at the award now on his desk. "I can't believe it happened. It's like…one minute I'm some dorky kid doctor, and the next, it feels like I'm this super charged-up transgender German rock star. Oh how time flies when you're having fun, right?" He playfully cocked his head to the side. Cobie smiled.

After a few seconds, Cobie broke the silence, saying, "Well, it was really good seeing you, and I guess I should probably go. I wouldn't want to keep you or anything."

"Oh, no, you're fine," Neil replied dismissively. "Actually, I've got something for you." Cobie caught the glint in his eye a she watched him stand up and make his way over to her.

Before she could act otherwise, Neil gently grabbed her head, pulling her toward him for a kiss. Startled and acting instinctively, Cobie pushed him off at first.

"Oh no, no, we can't do this again," she told him.

He let out a questioning "Hmm? Where's it written that we can't?" He purred out the last set of words in the classically silky, seductive voice he had often used as Barney, and leaned in once again, his lips meeting hers. As they kissed again, their bodies pressed against each other's, and Neil bucked his hips up into hers.

She didn't resist him. She was going to at least attempt to, at first, but really, how could she? She relaxed her body completely and settled into the mood of it all as Neil placed his hands on her hips and began to gently push up her shirt, mouth still on hers.

They would separate, every now and then, giggling uncontrollably like two teenagers desperately trying to conceal their affairs while making out in their high school locker room, before Cobie would grab Neil and pull him back in, kissing him again and attempting to regain her seriousness. Then again, it was Neil. She had scarcely ever seen the man serious, the closest time being the one during which he had discovered an on-set lack of Red Bull during production of HIMYM. He was a joker, overall. A devilish, charming trickster, but still somehow seductive, nonetheless.

Regardless, she wanted him now. His tie was off first, and Cobie then popped the button of his white cotton shirt before removing it altogether. The scent of his embrace was delightful and strong, a sugary, mellow yet spice-like smell that tingled the senses when in close proximity to him, arising when his shirt was off.

In finality, his belt hit the floor with a clang, and from there, their passion only deepened. Hands against bodies, the two were intertwined in a way that they had both secretly longed for for years- and each one enjoyed every second of it. Neil had even nicked her neck and the underside of her jaw line in objective of leaving a few hickeys that Cobie hoped would not be overtly obvious. In his typical fashion, he'd twice run his tongue against the curvature of her neck as well, for a cheekier, less romantic effect. Mostly, however, he was a very skilled lover, to say the least, and just had a way about him that perfected those manners to a T.

Their lovemaking came to a halt as smoothly as it had begun- and for the second time in what felt like forever, this had not been a mere act of relation between Barney and Robin. It had been a deeply physical and chemical act of intimacy between Cobie and Neil.

The forbidden lovers collected themselves shortly, reeling from their encounter. All it took was one quick glimpse into Neil's mischievous blue eyes, like the still lit sparks of a dying flame, for Cobie to begin giggling girlishly again.

"Shut up!" Neil scolded her, he himself cracking a smile. "Ssshhh! You'll blow our cover!"

"See, this is why we'll never be able to work together in any type of production ever again," Cobie told him as she redressed and begun gathering up her things. "It causes this. Too much of this."

Neil, exhausted from the night and all of its gloriousness and energy, stifled a yawn. "Yeah, but that's a good thing." After getting dressed, a few seconds later, he added, "I'm watchin' you, Smulders."

"You too, Harris," Cobie retorted, a fiery glint in her eye as she turned to him, slinging the purse around her shoulder.

A couple of minutes passed before Neil announced, "Well, I guess I should be headin' out now. It's late, and I don't wanna, y'know, put all the pressure on David to get the kids to sleep."

"You do that," Cobie told him as she made her way to the door. Before opening it, she stopped. "Oh, um, once again, congrats on the award."

He smiled boyishly at her. "Thanks. I'll see you around, Cobes."

And with that, she was gone. But not forgotten. Never forgotten.

Once she had left, the only words Neil said were, "Thank _you_ for the award."


	5. How Barney Punched a Guy Out

At 8 AM on a cold Monday morning in December, Robin was not especially a happy camper. She had been waiting in line at the local coffee shop, Happycino, for what felt like centuries. She paced around uncomfortably where she stood, waiting for the line to move, but it did not. Not even in the slightest.

"Come ON!" she thought to herself. "How long can it take to order one cup of coffee?"

As soon became evident, she had not been thinking, she had been speaking her thoughts aloud, and several of the people in front of her turned around with angry looks on their faces.

"Well excuse me!" she retorted. "You know, back in Canada, I NEVER had to wait this long for coffee."

"We're not in Canada, idiot!" a disgruntled man towards the front of the line shouted at her.

"Yeah, I can tell," Robin muttered. Barney walked in shortly, joining the very back of the line, when he saw Robin. He skirted the crowd of people to see her.

"What's up with the line?" he asked.

Robin sighed. "Who knows."

"Geez, they're ordering a cup of coffee, how long could that possible take?" Barney asked impatiently.

"Right? Thank you!" Robin responded.

"Y'know, you could ditch and go to another coffee shop," Barney suggested.

"Yeah, but this is THE only place in the city with vanilla lattes," Robin told him. "I mean, if I pay five bucks for a vanilla latte, it better be one damn good vanilla latte."

Barney nodded. "So I take it that most places' lattes are good minus the damn?"

"They are double minus the damn and the good," Robin replied, eliciting a grin from Barney.

Fortunately, the line did now appear to be moving. Before she knew it, Robin was at the front, right behind a tall, brunette man in a blue t-shirt that appeared too unseasonably skimpy for this time of year.

"Hi," he said to the barista. "One tall vanilla latte, please?"

The barista headed behind the counter and began preparing the man's drink. He returned shortly after, handing him a steaming hot, delicious-smelling, tall styrofoam cup of coffee.

"Here you go sir," he said as the man took the cup.

"Thank you," the man said. Robin was next to order.

"Hi, I'll take what he got," she told the barista.

The barista went behind the counter, only to return not long after. "We're fresh out," he said.

Robin could not believe what she was hearing. "What? Wait a minute, how could you be fresh out, can't you just make more?"

"We can't make anymore," the barista said. "We're out of flavoring. Would you like to try something different, maybe a mocha, or a pumpkin spice?"

The man who had previously ordered was smiling deviously to himself, which caught Robin's attention.

"What's so funny?" she asked challengingly. Normally, Robin would have been able to handle a situation like this on any other given day. But today was not any other given day. Today, she had waited in line for far longer than she should have, only to find that they were out of coffee- and she was determined to have that vanilla latte if it was the last thing she did.

"Oh, nothing," the man, whose blue shirt sported a printed image of a bright orange octopus across the front. "I'm just gloating in my success a little bit. Had I been you, I wouldn't have gotten the coffee."

This was too much for Robin. Her patience had worn past the point of thinness and what had been left of it had just now, assuredly, snapped.

"Excuse me?"

"Yeah, you heard me." The man chuckled contemptuously. "I got the last one and you didn't- CANADIAN." He emphasized that last word like being Canadian was characteristic of a heathen.

Barney, who had been standing between the two, had felt the tensions rising for quite a while. But that, he decided, was the last straw.

"Hey!" he snapped. "Knock it off! So what if you got the last one? My wife has been waiting here for like an hour, the least you could do is give her ten bucks…or a little respect."

The man sneered. "What are you gonna do, Suitie?"

Barney was admittedly a great deal smaller than the man, who was massively tall.

His face twitched a little in nervousness. "What am I gonna do?" Barney echoed. "Oh, I'll show you what I'm gonna do!"

"Barney…" Robin didn't like where this was headed.

"Robin, hold my jacket," Barney said as he removed it, revealing a white dress shirt underneath that was tight enough to expose the decent amount of muscles he had, hoping to prove that point to this thuggish bully. The next few seconds felt like a blur. Barney punched the man in the face, knocking the cup out of his hand, the hot contents of which splashed to the floor in an oddly trapezoidal shape, then hurt his own wrist, and while he was down, he was slugged himself. The last thing he remembered was the sight of the man's fist colliding with his face. Then, he blacked out.

* * *

><p>He came to consciousness some hours later, on Marshall and Lily's couch.<p>

"Oh good, he IS alive!" Lily declared happily.

"Hey, how you doing, buddy?" Marshall asked him playfully.

"Fine," Barney answered. His left eye throbbed with immense pain. "Wait- I punched out that guy back there, didn't I?"

"Yup," Robin answered him, with both sympathy and disbelief in her voice. "And then you blacked out, came to consciousness, vomited all over me, and blacked out again."

Barney smiled. "Awesome."

"Not really," Robin said. "The barista told me that he's gonna sue us unless you come back to mop the floors for five hours a day for three weeks."

"Oh."

"But on the plus side," Robin said proudly. "That's a pretty, uh, sexy black eye you got there."

She gently touched the spot and he winced. Still though, he couldn't help but agree with her.

"It is sexy," he responded smugly. "I guess mopping's not too bad. At least I can say I punched a guy out."

"At least you got that bruise," Robin said coquettishly. She placed a hand on the back of Barney's neck, rubbing it reassuringly. "Thanks for sticking up for me."

"Ah, it's no big deal. I think when you really love somebody, ya just kinda tend to throw caution to the wind and do what you think will help them. Right?"

Marshall nodded. "Right! Exactly! Like that time when I threw Lily off of our cruise ship because I thought we saw the Loch Ness Monster."

"Because apparently sacrificing me TO the monster was the cure all," Lily added.

Barney turned back to Robin. "The point is, I love you enough to punch a dude put for you. And…that can be determined by this pulsing, searing pain in my eye."

"Aww, that is so sweet," Robin said, leaning in to kiss Barney.

Robin did, the following day, return to the coffee shop with Barney to apologize to the baristas as well as to get her vanilla latte. But as for Barney, he'd never forget the legendary gesture he'd done for her that day. Years later, he would come to brag this tale to his daughter- constantly. And while that was annoying, Robin realized that at least it was nice to have someone who cared- even if he did it in such a crazy way.


	6. Not Like Them

It was such a strange thing, that they had rarely done it before. Some may even have deemed it a little crazy considering the status of their relationship. Regardless, holding hands was a form of intimacy not commonly held by Barney and Robin. Barney did not so much mind it, but Robin did, for some odd reason. He would try, every once in a while, to gently grasp her hand, even sometimes during those nights they'd spend watching scary movies, but she would always be sure to brush his hand off of hers, no matter what the circumstance.

"What do you hate so much about holding hands?" he'd ask her, with a laugh but with general inquisitiveness as well. "These hands, Robin, are not just any hands. They are the hands of MAGICIAN. You know that well and good. I mean, feel how soft these babies are."

She wouldn't generally give him a true answer. That was the strange thing. Instead, she'd often change the subject, usually with something like, "Wow, can you believe that guy just got chopped in half by that ax-murderer? What a predictable plot!" She would do that snorting laugh of hers. Then she'd do something like playfully punch Barney on the shoulder and get up to get popcorn or get up to use the bathroom. It was always something different, but Barney never received a true answer from her. And for years, he would continue not to.

**(Christmas morning, December 2016)**

The windowpanes of their apartment were frosted over with intricate crystalline traces of ice, like Jack Frost's fingerprints, each with its own delicate design. Outside, the early morning scarlet sun was coming up upon the buildings and high rises, casting its beautiful, orangish hue over the freshly fallen snow in a way that made it glow like holiday lights.

The smoky aroma of freshly cooked bacon hung in the air as Robin awoke that morning. Barney was not in bed next to her. Throwing on her fluffy, soft, pink fleece robe, she made her way out to the living room, where he was, standing by the Christmas tree in a plush looking Santa hat, holding a plate of tasty bacon.

"Merry Christmas, Scherbatsky," he greeted her with a smile. "Eat up, cuz I got something so awesome that it's actually beyond awesome. It's like a combination of awesome and legendary. Like if awesome and legendary had a baby. If awesome and legendary hooked up and-"

"I got it," Robin said as she took the plate from his hands.

When she had finished eating, Barney threw on a coat and took her outside, where, to her surprise, a stunning Harley Davidson was parked at the curb, its shiny blackness a sharp contrast to the glistening white snow all around it.

She gasped. "Oh my God, Barney! How did you-? Where-?" She could not get the words out of her mouth. She was simply too shocked. For years now, she had told Barney of her desire to own a motorcycle, but had not once expected he would actually fulfill that desire. Now, it turned out that, to her surprise, he had.

"Right? Right?" he said excitedly. He hopped on it and revved it up. Invitingly, he patted the back end of the seat. "Hop on, Scherbatsky- we're goin' for a holiday spin!"

Robin eagerly did so, and up to a point, the ride was great fun. However, due to Barney's lack of experience in ever driving a motorcycle, a terrible accident happened when he steered the engine straight into traffic. Fortunately and ironically, it was an ambulance that hit him, and luckily for Robin, she was thrown off when the motorcycle halted, her impact to the ground not being very hard, so she came away with the lesser of a few deep cuts and some bruises. But Barney was not in good condition.

* * *

><p>Robin spent the majority of that Christmas Day with her injured husband in the hospital room- not the ideal Christmas, but she was only concerned with his well-being at this point. He was racked up pretty bad, with both legs broken as well as one arm, a broken nose, and numerous smaller fractures all across his body. She sat next to him as he laid in bed, watching his chest rise and fall with each slow breath. But he was breathing, and that was all that mattered.<p>

"Well, that was fun for the twelve-ish minutes it lasted," Barney remarked flatly.

Robin nodded. "Yeah, you fulfilled my dream of getting to ride a motorcycle, I'll give you that. And then…took it back by crashing it, but you tried."

Barney cracked a small smile. "Yeah, I tried."

A few minutes later, he asked her, "So…this whole holding hands thing. Whattup?"

Of all times, Robin could not believe that he chose now to ask such an irrelevant question.

"Dude," she said, tilting her head incredulously.

"What? Most people like to hold hands when they're in the hospital together!" Barney retorted. "Isn't that just common couples crap?"

Robin sighed. He did have a point. Regardless, Barney's puppyish, big blue eyes were wide in inquisition as he stared at Robin, expecting an answer. She couldn't resist telling him.

"Please?" he pleaded.

"Alright, since you're all laid up and pathetic, I'll tell you," she said. "The reason I've never told you this is because I don't want you to become paranoid. Promise me you won't become paranoid?"

Barney nodded his head in agreement. "Promise."

"It's got to do with my parents," Robin began. "Before they were divorced, they were…let's just say annoying as hell together. I now realize that like 98% of that was a lie to make me NOT sad about the status of their relationship, but I digress. Anyway, they were the essential super-irritating couple, and, of course, at five years old, I couldn't help but believe them and take it all for real."

Barney, at this point, was more than slightly confused. "Wait a minute- how is this related to holding hands? Seems like a far walk for a short drink of water to me, if ya know what I mean," he remarked.

"Well, maybe if you'd let me continue, I'd get to that," Robin responded, somewhat impatiently. "Can I continue, Stinson? Is that okay?"

"Hey, no need to be sarcastic," Barney retorted. "And yeah, go on."

"Anyway," Robin said. "I would see them, a lot, holding hands with each other. I would tell them how cute they were as a couple, and they'd always answer with something dumb and cheesy, like "You'll be like this someday too! Just wait for it!" Ha. What a joke."

"I feel so loved," Barney remarked dryly.

"Look, the point I'm trying to make here is this: I know it's not always like that, but I tend to associate holding hands with lies and false relationships. My parents tried way too hard, and I don't want us to end up the same way that they did. Alone, and living in two separate provinces of Canada. I don't want to have to justify our relationship by showing off, you know?"

Barney was silent for a few minutes. "Wow," he finally said. "I…still think it's kind of a stretch, but I understand. At least sorta. Then again, those were your parents. That's not us, Robin. That won't ever BE us. I've never once felt like I needed to prove something here, I'll be honest. I mean, If something is real, then…you don't need to prove it. You can feel it, and that's actually enough, isn't it?"

"Aww, that is so sweet," Robin replied.

"Like this shooting pain in my entire body, I can really feel it now," Barney finished, wincing. He turned his attention back to Robin.

"So…you gonna stay here with me, at least half the night?"

She shrugged. "Why not. It's Christmas, I've got nowhere else to go, and you look like you could use something courtesy of me."

"I don't know, I might be a little too sore for that, but we can give it a go," Barney said, before Robin cut in with, "Not that! I meant I could hold your hand! You want to, right?"

"Oh, yeah, that, sure."

With no future hesitation, Robin gently took Barney's cold hand in hers. She and Barney were nothing like her parents. They never would be. She had all the reassurance she needed to believe that now.

It was in the hospital that Christmas night that the brunette realized she was far more comfortable with such an informal gesture than she ever expected to be. The last thing she would recall feeling was the soft touch of his hand in hers before she and him fell into a restful sleep, comforted by the warmth so brought on between them by an unfortunate motorcycle accident.


	7. Snowed In

The windshield wipers on Barney's rental car quickly moved up and down in a failing attempt to clear his front window of the rapidly falling snow. It was to no avail.

"Come on!" he cried out in aggravation, slamming his hand on the dashboard. He and Robin had been on the road for what felt like an honest century. It was only two days before Christmas, and Barney had guaranteed his father, Jerome, a visit for the holidays, but now, that didn't seem as if it would happen. The snow was falling at a quick rate, each snowflake looking to be as thick and wide as a button as they fell in multitude, visibly covering the road ahead of them.

"Dude, take it easy, chill!" Robin commanded Barney.

"No, Robin, I cannot chill!" Barney responded. "I promised my dad I was gonna visit him for Christmas, and I can't just turn around now, snowstorm be damned!"

"Your dad would understand," Robin told him. "I could call him up for you right now and tell him we're stuck out here."

"You're not calling him up, we're gonna get there," Barney insisted. In any other, ordinary situation, he would have taken a highway or any road easier to travel, but this was apparently no other ordinary situation, and Barney had taken a side road due to a detour from the pileup of the snow.

"I told you the storm was coming," Robin said, crossing her arms.

"Says the Canadian," Barney retorted impatiently.

"Hey, us Canadians know our pre-snow weather," Robin quipped."We're like Spider-Man, only instead of spider sense, we've got snow sense, you're welcome."

"You're full of snow sense," Barney mouthed back, his hands so tightly clamped to the steering wheel that they were beginning to turn red.

Robin, ignoring Barney, attempted to gaze out her window, but a thick sheet of ice and snow coated it, making it impossible to see out of. Regardless, it was nighttime, and nothing much could be seen anyway.

"We're gonna need to stop at some point, you can't even see the road and I gotta pee."

"Robin," Barney said, lifting a hand off the wheel to gesture with. "I don't think you fully understand the seriousness here. Look, all year I've been super pumped for this, and I'm not gonna let one puny lil blizzard ruin everything. My dad makes the best turkey in the whole world. It's so good that if God himself could taste it, he would have to write somewhere on the Ten Commandments, "thou shall not make any other turkey ever again because Jerome's is the best and all others can just suck it." True story."

Robin rolled her eyes. "Come on, it can't be THAT good."

Barney scoffed. "That good? Oh-ho, that's a good one. So then I suppose your Aunt Gera's cookies aren't that good? Your mom's scrambled eggs? Your sister's M&M pancakes?"

"That recipe's been in the Scherbatsky family for centuries and I still don't know how she does it," Robin muttered in fond remembrance of the mouthwatering treats aforementioned. "Okay, fine, his turkey's probably really good."

"Yeah."

"But still-"

Robin was cut short by a sickening, jolting thump that practically threw her out of her seat. At first, she assumed that Barney had recklessly hit a deer or raccoon, but that wasn't the case.

"What the-?"

"A snowdrift!" Barney exclaimed. "Come onnn!" He slammed his head down on the dashboard dramatically.

"Well, now we're really stuck," Robin announced.

Barney lifted his head. "Wow, thanks for the alert, Scherbatsky. I would have never guessed."

Robin shrugged nonchalantly. "Try backing up," she suggested. Barney obeyed and attempted to back up the car, hoping to flatten some snow, but the acceleration of the wheels digging into the mess only caused a snowy white explosion that sprayed all over the car, covering it from hood to tires.

He turned to Robin, a disdainful and unimpressed look on his face.

"Maybe not," she said. "But I tried."

A shiver ran down the blond's spine, causing his body to quiver from the sudden cold. To add to the worsening circumstance, the vehicle was rapidly burning fuel, and what had been left of it was now decreasing to give heat to the inside. Barney had no choice but to flick off the heat and shut the car off to reserve whatever little bit was left.

The warmth drained almost immediately, and both he and Robin could physically feel the temperature dropping within two minutes.

"We're gonna die out here," Barney said as he wrapped his arms around himself for warmth. "It's like that story that Ted and Marshall told us. But this time, it's actually happening." Another tremble vibrated his body, and he pulled shut his jacket to insulate himself.

"Maybe in a few hours we can drive off, right?" Robin said, her voice a trace of fading hopefulness. "I mean we're not possibly going to be stuck here all night, are we…Barney?" She flitted her eyelashes nervously.

"Uhhh, no of course not!" Barney was quick to answer.

"We could be out of here in less than an hour!"

_(A full hour later)_

"I didn't want to have to do this, but I think it's the only option," Barney muttered, his mouth muffled by the collar of his jacket, which he had hiked up to have the effect of a scarf. He moved his body up next to Robin's, wrapping his arms around hers. He closed his eyes and rested his head on her shoulders, dreamily taking a deep breath.

"Oh, so you get to cuddle me while I get to cuddle the window, that seems fair," Robin remarked.

"We can take turns," Barney suggested.

"Fine."

They swapped every once in a while, depending now exclusively on each other's body warmth to keep themselves comfortably radiated. From that point on, the night seemed to last forever as the bitter winds blew outside of the parked car where the lovers lay somewhat reluctantly snuggling. Barney, panicked, did not believe that they would even survive the night, but Robin assured him that she WAS an ex-survivalist and he had no reason to be afraid.

"We won't have to eat each other," she told him, and he breathed a sigh of relief.

"Thank God," he replied.

The two lay entwined in each other's arms for the rest of the night, their warm breaths heating their cold, shivering bodies. All night they stayed this way- or at least that was how it felt.

* * *

><p>Around approximately 2 AM, unbeknownst to the dozing couple, someone had dared to trek through the cold for the sake of saving them.<p>

A soft knock on the window slowly awoke Robin, and she tiredly muttered, "Barney, get the door."

Barney stopped snoring. "Hmm?" He stretched and yawned breathily.

"Barney, open up!" came a voice, accompanied by more pounding.

Once Barney became conscious enough to realize that someone was outside their car, he screamed, prompting Robin to follow suit. Then, seconds later, he realized who it was.

"Dad!" he exclaimed happily. Strangely enough, it was his father just outside, only made visible by the street lights.

He eagerly attempted to open the car door, but it was frozen shut. A look of forlorn confusion like that of a puppy searching for a laser pointer crossed his face as he realized that the door could not be opened, before Robin declared, "I'll get it," and kicked the door open with an audible crack.

Ignoring the stinging cold, Barney jumped out to greet his father, embracing him in a warm hug.

"I get your turkey after all!" he said, smiling widely.

"What about the turkey?"

"Never mind, I'm glad to see you!"

In the refuge of the warm, cozy house, they slept well that night, and the following morning, awoke to the smell of hot bacon and sweet, fresh pancakes.

And for a while, everything was okay. Until Jerome brought up something that neither Barney or Robin had even given thought to before.

"So I saw that Robin kicked the door open," he said. "Why didn't you guys think of doing that sooner?"

Barney and Robin exchanged awkward glances.

"Um, well…" Robin stuttered.

"Hey, you wanna see a magic trick?" Barney said suddenly, to change the subject. From his sleeve, he let fly an elegant white dove, which carried in its beak a sprig of mistletoe. Jerome watched in awe as the bird soared gratefully for a minute and landed on his shoulder, cooing.

"See? Pretty cool, right?" Barney said with a grin.

"Amazing!" Jerome responded. And for a moment, Barney and Robin just stared at each other. And under the table, Barney gently took her hand in his, and they smiled. Of course, what they wouldn't admit to Jerome was that they had secretly wanted the extra cuddling time. Sure they WERE really a bit stuck…but who could resist the spare snuggling?

It did keep them warm. And it was worth it.

"Btw, that door thing?" Barney said. "That's for us to know and you to find out."

Jerome didn't know exactly what his son had meant by that, but he _did_ have a feeling.

Years later, that night had become subject to playful teasing on Barney's behalf, but Robin didn't care. After all, the feelings of wanting to cuddle had been mutual. She knew they had.


	8. Candles

**This is the first mildly smutty fic I've written, but I know I'm not very good at that. It's also based on a prompt by ottprompts on Tumblr. Anyway, hope you enjoy it.**

* * *

><p>It had been long known that Barney Stinson had a distinct penchant for bringing the strangest objects into the apartment. Robin, Ted, Marshall, and Lily had all, at least once, seen him enter the room holding or wearing something utterly ridiculous- from a VERY authentic looking lightsaber, to a hot dog cart, to, on one Christmas Eve, a real live reindeer, which he had aptly named Brodolph. Naturally then, it came as no surprise to Robin the one afternoon he came home, pushing through the doorway a huge cart overfilled with candles.<p>

"A riddle for you I have," he said in an impishly mischievous way. "What starts out long in the morning, but gets shorter as the day does?"

Robin thought for a few minutes. "Well, I could give you an answer, but in doing so, it may come across as personally offensive."

"Wow, with a comment like that, I don't even know if I should tell you," Barney remarked dejectedly.

"I'm kidding," Robin said. "It's only half true anyway."

Barney stared at her.

"Okay it's actually not true at all," she admitted. "What did you get?"

"The answer," Barney said. "Is candles. Loads and loads of them." He turned the cart over and emptied the ton of wax on the floor. Every type of candle of every single variety could be found in the pile, from long to thin, fat, skinny, tall, short, scented, colored, and even a few novelty kinds shaped and scented like a cinnamon roll or a slice of pie. There had to be at least 200 of them, and each one was entirely different.

Robin's mouth dropped. "Wow, that is a crapton of candles!" she said. "What did you do today, rob a candle store?"

"Actually," Barney began, "I was on my way back from work when suddenly…"

_(Flashback)_

A loud crashing sound in the streets caused Barney to stop and jump. He looked around him until he found the source of the noise- a truck of some sort had been overturned, spilling its contents everywhere. Rushing to the scene, mostly due to intrigue, he eagerly commented, "Wow that's a crapton of candles!"

"Yup," the man who had momentarily been driving the truck agreed."And I think our load was too heavy, so would you mind taking a few?"

Barney smiled. "Sir, I will take a 'few' indeed." He winked.

_(Flash forward)_

"And, as it turned out, he let me have half the truckload!" Barney finished proudly.

Robin placed her hands on her hips as she looked down at the mess of candles on their floor.

"Well, I don't know how we'll possibly find a use for ALL of these," she said.

"That's easy," Barney replied almost immediately. "Give Ted about 50, Marshall about 50, and we'll keep the rest! Ted can get the girly cinnamon ones, lord knows how long he's been wanting something like that."

Robin nodded. "Actually that's a really good plan."

"Right?"

"Only problem- what are we gonna do with the rest? If you lit even half of those at the same time, you're looking at either a major fire hazard or at the very least, our apartment will smell like cookies for a year."

Barney quickly licked his lips. "Or…you know what we could do. We could light some in our bedroom later on?"

"Ugh, that's so cliche though," Robin groaned. "Candle lighting is for established couples, like Marshall and Lily. Not us. Just last week, we argued for an hour over which was more badass, and the options were radioactive bear or radioactive shark."

"Radioactive shark, hands down," Barney said.

"Bear."

"Shark."

"Bear."

"Shark!"

"The point is, aren't candles kind of, I don't know, overused?"

"Well, yeah, sorta, but we gotta put 'em to good use somehow," Barney replied. "And you know, once the room starts heating up, then…so do I." He smiled a little.

"Fine," Robin agreed. "We'll light the candles tonight. But if more things catch fire than usual, then don't blame me."

* * *

><p>After dinner and a little TV, Barney headed to the bedroom, where he set out a few various candles, not bothering to read their labels or scents at all, and began to light them. He spaced them apart to insure that they wouldn't ignite and start a major fire, but they were relatively close, and when the lights were dimmed, they glowed beautifully in the darkness of the room. He stood back, proud of his work. He then sat down on the bed, waiting patiently for Robin.<p>

She entered the room shortly, dressed in a grey trench coat that she had borrowed from Barney, and smiled wantonly.

Barney could feel his breath shortening as he saw her, anticipating and expecting what she was going to do next.

"You did not!" he said playfully.

Robin slowly opened the coat, exposing underneath it black lace lingerie and matching stockings.

"I did."

She climbed on the bed to join her husband, and he leaned in, closing his eyes and kissing her. He moaned a little as she placed her hands around his head to gently pull him closer to her, using only her sense of touch to guide her hands to his shoulders and undress him, first by unbuttoning his shirt, while he did the same to her.

She planted her fingers on his body, digging her nails into his skin, and traced his muscles with her fingertips, moving her face up to his ear, which she nibbled on and tugged slightly, as he, in return, left a trail of kisses and small hickeys down the nape and back of her neck.

Barney had her pinned down before she could realize what was happening, his breaths coming short and hot on her skin, eager blood pumping throughout his body, tingling every nerve and filling him with a sense of thrill as he began the act.

The aroma of sweet vanilla, spicy cinnamon, and a hint of apple filled the room as the candles burned, but the two barely even noticed, ignorant to any other sense but the ecstasy that filled their own bodies at the time.

They were just seconds away now from finishing their lover's deed when…

_**BEEEP! BEEEP!**_

A loud, infernal screeching noise filled the room, sounding repetitively.

They looked at each other.

"The smoke alarm," they both said, attempting to catch their breath. Of course.

* * *

><p>"See, now do you see why I didn't want to do candles?" Robin asked a few minutes later, after untangling herself from Barney, removing the smoke alarm, and throwing a robe on.<p>

He laid back on the bed, the bottom, exposed half of his body sheathed in the blankets. "At least we can say we tried," he muttered. "Although it DID ruin everything." A pout crossed his face. He was still slightly winded, partially from blowing out the remainder of the troublesome candles, but less so now, nonetheless very unappreciative of what had just happened.

"So now what?" he questioned, looking up at Robin with big, inquiring blue eyes.

She smiled slyly. "Hey. Not everything's ruined."

Slowly, her hand worked its way up the center of her robe as she undid the sash. And Barney, this time, did not light the candles.


End file.
